Getting our hopes up. Face it ! We are all guilty of having our hopes and dreams high up in cloud nine. You'd be lying if you say you NEVER had high hopes before. Putting your hopes really really high is like a gamble. Its like stacking a domino one by one. If just one domino falls to the front or the back, its over! To give you guys a clear view, I really had high hopes for my SPM results back then, thought to myself if results are good enough, I might try and get a scholarship of some sort, get into a good programme that I like and the list goes on and on. I even googled companies that would give out scholarship for students furthering their studies in certain programmes. But then, the very first piece of the domino placed way back suddenly got blown by the wind and knocks over the other pieces. My results were not that superb. I only got As ( grateful ) for the easy subjects... The same thing also happened for my first semester results in Uni. Everyone was happy updating their tweets, blackberry messenger's status, facebook status etc about how fabulous their CGPA was while I stand behind everybody else barely holding a fake smile.
From then onwards, I decided that I should never EVER have high hopes or even dream big. I did not like the feel of pain that came with it. To me, after failing to achieve what you wanted so badly has its phases. One of the common phase is the "Its ok, I should move on" phase where I usually just get up, put on a genuine smile and convince every one that I'm fine. The next phase after that is the "What if" phase. Thoughts of ' the other outcome ' slowly pops in my minds a day or two after the first phase. I would start imagining scenes of what would happen if I achieved my hopes and dreams. Lastly, there's the oh so famous "I'm All Emo, Sad and Fragile" phase where I would buy take outs,take them to my room and eat it alone and cry while doing so. I would also silently cry myself to sleep thinking about how much of a failure I am. There's also the rare occasion of taking a shower and crying at the same time. Most people never notice this because I usually shower earlier than some. Well actually the last phase is really getting off your bum and move forward.
The MAIN reason I wanted to do this post was not about being all negative and not having dreams. The real reason why I am making this post because I slowly started having high hopes for a certain someone. To tell you guys the truth, I did not have high hopes of developing feelings for this person at all. All I wanted was a companion that would just listen to how my day went and listen to my endless amounts of complaints. Because I know that having high hopes that a certain someone will love you back BUT in the end you find out that they don't hurts like a female dog ! So I told myself that I will NEVER develop feelings for this person. I bet you know where this is going?.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I FREAKING DEVELOP FEELINGS FOR THIS PERSON. I mean who in the right mind wouldn't ? Constant instant messages, comforts, late night calls! Big big mistake. Cause slowly I realise that person X still has feelings for their ex/crush. Because of this, gravity and mother earth literally pulled me back to earth and they pulled me hard! Fell flat on my face.Chest hurts, hearts starts to pump quickly and "You shouldn't of had high hopes for X" keeps playing in my head over and over followed by "See what you've got yourself into now?" and "You deserve it!" . I seriously thought that we would of been a 'thing'. I really really enjoy our conversations and instant messages.
I'm confused. You said you're trying to move on and I know that it is hard but still......What is it that we truly have. Can't you just tell me straight forward about everything. Clear up the air. So that I know where I stand in your life. Where I exist in your space. And yes, this is still the "I'm Having High Hopes and Dreams being with You" talking. The probability of that person reading this is really really REALLY low...you can't even find it in the Chi-Squared or Mann Whitney table ( Statistic Joke ) .
Should I let got ? Or should I keep having high hopes and dreams of being with this person ? Or should I just be straight forward with them ? If I do so, I might lose them as a good friend :( What do you guys think ? Tweet or comment or text or bbm or IM or DM me if you like.
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